Tuesday, November 23, 2010


I don't know if any of you have seen this movie called "Fireproof", but it's definitely one of those Christian movies with pretty bad acting but a great story. I have seen it before and I watched it again last night. There is something about it that got to me... here's what it made me think about.
That in life, relationships are the most important thing.
We could have an amazing career, house, etc. but if we are lacking the relationships that remind us daily that we aren't alone, we feel lonely all the time.
What makes life beautiful is the people in it...
... I take that for granted way too often. Because a lot of the time I think that the people in my life are there to stay, and I've learned that people are given to us and they are also taken away from us and it's about opening our hearts to learn what the people currently in our lives have to teach us and what we can teach them.

It's about making sure the people in our life are better off than they were before we met them, it's about building them up, encouraging them, showing them they are a light and that there is something great in them, even if they don't deserve it and even if they have hurt us.
Because WE are unworthy, I am unworthy of the grace and love that God has showed me yet he continuously shows it to me, daily. I keep running away, trying new things, filling my time with everything but him, but he is always there.. making me better than I was yesterday through his love.
I want to be that light for other people. When I think about it I get really nervous that I won't live up to the vision and commitment I have for the person that I want to be, but if I trust that God has a hold on my heart than I can be the wife and mother that I know I can be one day.

God has offered me grace and forgiveness in this life because I believe in him, that doesn't make my life fireproof.... the fires are STILL going to come, I'm still broken, I'm still in need of grace and I still find myself on my knees daily in need of Him... But because I'm not fireproof, I learn every day to trust in Him more because the fires will come, it's about how I handle them.

People hurt people... that's the truth... It's when we fall short of the people that we are supposed to be, and allow other things to get in the way of the life we are supposed to live that bring destruction and break each other hearts. It's giving up on a commitment in the hard time that ends marriage, or friendship, or jobs. I wonder if we were the people we wanted to be, the kind, patient, steadfast, loyal people that we know we want to be, then how many relationships would be saved? How many less hearts would be broken? If we thought about the words that came out of our mouth before we said them and before we hurt someone else, how would that affect how people see us? If we gave up addictions to harmful things, would we feel more honorable?
Maybe what I'm coming full circle on is that it's how we see ourselves and the way we want our life to be lived often coincides with how we feel on the inside. If our hearts aren't right, our life isn't right and we keep missing the target.
I need to refresh my heart, to remind myself daily of the person that I want to be and sync it with the words and actions that I'm living today. Because it's all of our today's that make our tomorrow's good or bad. I'm choosing good. I want to be the person that I know God created me to be, even though I don't feel like that person at all sometimes. My life isn't fireproof, but I find myself in the midst of an ocean of grace, forgiveness and love.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Airplanes and shooting stars

Two nights in a row around midnight I reluctantly take my dog Rocky out for a walk, it's cold and I'm exhausted from being on my feet all day at work. But I've taken the time to have a conversation with God, nothing too big or special, just a conversation. At a point in the conversation I stop looking down at my feet and start to gaze into the infinite abyss of a dark canvass of a sky and just look at the perfectly clear starry night. I think to myself how often we spend life looking at our feet and talking about our problems or struggles and how we rarely just stop talking and sit in silence and just be in awe of creation.
And the moment I stop looking down and I look up, mid conversation, I see a shooting star.
What is so special about a shooting star?
Is it because it's rare?
Because they aren't really rare, it's just rare when we see them.
It's rare for us to stop looking down at our own lives and look up to the sky. It's rare to just STOP our busy lives for a moment.
But we love when we see shooting stars because we are usually in a place when we can just stop and be. Maybe we are sitting around a campfire, listening to the crashing waves on the beach in the darkness of night, at a Rascal Flats concert with your best friend, or maybe we are sitting in Africa or Cambodia just having a hard night and struggling through things and we don't have any other option except to just look up, because we are desperate to experience something more than ourselves.
Seeing a shooting star is rare, but not because the stars are rare, because when we look up and surrender the busyness of life, it's rare and then we see a glimpse of light flash across the night sky and we are reminded that we are not alone, that there is an entire universe outside of ourselves and we become thankful that we took that very moment to look up and that we didn't miss it.
It's why famous music artists sing about pretending that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, because we can all use a wish right now.

Or maybe we can all use a minute to just stop what we are doing and look up, and see something special that takes our breath away no matter how many times we've seen it before, it's always different and it's always beautiful.

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Torn between the good and the bad, the old self and the new.
Is this a new struggle? No, it's timeless. Centuries upon centuries, people have struggled with what each and every single one of us are struggling with right now.
The old self, or the future "hope-to-be" self.
Let's take a toll.. How many of us are COMPLETELY satisfied with the EXACT person we are now?
C'mon, let's be honest....

ladies? Gentlemen? ...

.. Yeah that's what I thought.. Probably none of us.
Most of us, ( I won't say all incase there is ONE person that has insanely convinced himself that he/she is 'perfect') are not completely satisfied at the people we are at this very moment. Most of us strive for change.. not only in ourselves but in the people around us, in our settings (jobs, living situations, people, etc).

So what is stopping us?

I (we) am torn. Agree or disagree? Please, let me know if I'm the ONLY human being that struggled with us.

Here's my example... it's personal and isn't intended to be offensive to anyone directly.
Let's take men. (Ha~ here we go)

I have settled for men in the past, sorry if you are someone I've dated, but this isn't directly toward you and if it is, i'm sure you aren't reading this from the various places you men are and I strongly doubt one of you in particular isn't reading this from a local county jail. (yup, long story)... I've settled, and believed lies about how much you cared and wanted to be with me, and I settled because I was scared what it would be like to aim high and not receive what I desired. So I settled for the abusive, promise-breaking A-holes that screwed with my heart and my life. Yup, if you're reading this and you are one of them (which I doubt), you Suck.
But I settled because I knew that the good guys- the nice ones, the ones that open doors, pay for meals, answer your calls when you need them, worry or care about you, yes, those amazing guys who all women want... I thought that you were too good for me. (there's one in particular right now that I'm thinking of...mystery man with a name I won't reveal)... I got scared every single time I got close to you because I didn't think I was good enough for you. So I settled for the temporary and exchanged a great individual.
I battled my old self- the part of me that was immature and selfish and i'm battling (yes, present- tense) the person that I am currently, and the person that I am aspiring to be. So here's my conclusion. I need to stop settling. Whether it's for a job (which I truly don't think I'm settling for right now) or a man ( or anything in between)... I need to realize that God has placed very specific and amazing people in my life for a reason and I need to stop taking that for granted. Thank you for being you, every single person in my life that has meant the world to me.
I see you, I feel you... I'm not taking you for granted anymore, and I'm going to prove that nice guys, don't finish last.

All my heart and soul,

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

A story about a girl...

I heard a story tonight about a girl in Sierra Leone... You may not think this effects you, but in some way it does.

A woman walked more than 30 miles in the hot humid summer in Sierra leone with a child in her arms that was not hers. She was walking for a purpose, to get to the closest medical treatment facility, which was funded and built by COTN (Children of the Nations) that is the closest facility within 100 miles. She walked because she held in her arms the baby of her sister who had recently died during child birth. The baby was sick and she was desperate. Not only was this woman grieving the loss of her sister, but was carrying for her new niece who was painstakingly dehydrated. The baby was in such a severe position that the newborn's head was beginning to cave in response to the lack of nourishment and hydration. The woman desperately sought the care of doctors and the doctors used COTN medical supplies and food packaging. Food packaging is what we do here in the states. We get together in groups and package thousands of meals to send to help orphans and widows abroad. The food is so nutrient filled that the COTN doctors were able to mix the food with water and give it to the baby, days later the baby was almost fully recovered and was gaining back all its strength. The woman was sent back to her village with several packages of COTN food for her and her new baby to

this food effects thousands and thousands of people daily...

There are several stories telling how far God is reaching to care for his people, and he is using us to do this work. I feel so honored and blessed to be apart of this work and I am excited to say that my position at COTN in the Orange County office is to be the food packaging coordinator for OC region. Together we can package food to send to Sierra Leone, Uganda, Malawi, Liberia, Dominican Republic and Haiti to create more stories of lives being saved with our help.

Thank you!