Ho-Ho-Holidays! 5 reasons to shop direct sales and 5 Ideas for Holiday Shopping

I am switching up the purpose of this blog… It's not just to talk about my personal life.. I'm switching gears because I've made an amazing discovery as a entrepreneur and new business woman. I have joined ARBONNE, and it has been one of the best decisions of my life. I'm not going too into depth on this post but definitely will soon.
Here's what this is about

Why I'm COMMITTING to shop DIRECT sales for ALL my Holiday shopping this year and why I think you should consider it also.

I am a daughter of God first, then a wife to a wonderful husband and Mommy to 3 amazing boys, lastly I am a entrepreneur working to make extra income. I have found a business that does not take away from any of my time with any of my top life priorities but pays MORE than a job that takes my time away from them. I have thoughtfully made a commitment to tie myself to a wonderful company, and every other person who participates in network marketing companies has done the same.

1. When you support direct sales you support local entrepreneurs who BELIEVE in what they are selling,  not paying a celebrity to market some product that they may not ever use.

2. Get all your shopping done before the holidays hit, have it shipped directly to your home and AVOID Holiday mall crowds

3. Gain friendships through men and women who love what they do.

4.  There is something for EVERYONE, I am including a list of a few of my favorites.

5. Join a team of people working towards living out their passions and dreams and make some extra holiday cash!

My favorite companies

1.  ARBONNE- I obviously favor this one because I JOINED it!  I LOVE Arbonne because of its PURE, SAFE and BENEFICIAL products. They have been around for 34 years of Swiss Heritage which is great because it means they aren't going anywhere and they adhere to european standards of products, if you aren't aware of why this is the best research it or ask me, it's a beautiful thing. They are VEGAN certified, and CRUELTY free (NEVER tested on animals and uses NO animal byproducts), they are BOTANICALLY based with no added chemicals, fragrances or toxins and are all paraben free and created with the latest cutting edge science. Their nutrition line has changed my life as has their RE9 Anti-aging skincare line. Our skin is the largest organ in our body and whatever we put on it is absorbed into our bloodstream in 26 seconds, PLEASE be aware of what you are putting on your skin. I have SO much love for this company so contact me if you want more info @ LAFerguson987@gmail.com



2. Chloe and Isabel -
Chloe and Isabel is all about empowering women and giving them a chance to start their own business and to fly as high as you want to go!  Chloe and Isabel have a philosophy, the friendship philosophy.  It's all about the idea of two friends (Chloe and Isabel) and how although they might have two completely different styles there are still those classic pieces which both girls can wear and love.  There is literally something for everyone which is so great.   Our pieces are both trendy and fun as well as classic and beautiful.   If you are looking for timeless jewelry then Chloe and Isabel is the place to look.  All our jewelry is lifetime guarantee as well as nickel-free and hypoallergenic.  Whether it is a little something for yourself or for a friend or family member, I am confident you will fall in love with our one of a kind jewelry!
Please contact my friend Tracy and visit her website to support her business!
www.chloeandisabel.com/boutique/tracybeagen



3. Essential Oils
Essential oils come from the seeds, bark, stems, roots, 
flowers, and other parts of plants. These oils can help us in many ways, from 
making over our medicine cabinets, to giving us an at home spa experience. DoTERRA essential oils are certified pure therapeutic grade (CPTG) oils with many benefits. Please contact Brittany Daigle at her website is www.mydoterra.com/brittanydaigle and or mrs.daigle@gmail.com.



4. Jamberry
Imagine having cute stylish patterned nails that last more than just a couple of 
days. It's possible! Jamberry Nail wraps provide just that. There are over 300
non toxic, vegan vinyl nail wraps to choose from.
Come visit me, I would love to help you find your own personal style!
~Michelle Ferguson

Jamberry Independent Consultant #551036
Http://sunshinefingerbling.jamberrynails.net


5. Origami Owl
What's your story? With Origami Owl you can tell it through  beautiful and uniquely designed jewelry. There are endless possibilities that suit any of your holiday shopping needs. You get to personally designed living lockets for the special lady on your list! http://catierippy.origamiowl.com


I believe in all of these products and am confident that you will love them as much as I do! Please contact me if you have any questions! 

Thank you, much love and happy holiday shopping! 

Laura 

Makes all things new..

I am continuously amazed at the God that I follow. I am now a busy Mom os 3 amazing little boys, and at the doctor today I was talking to a fellow Mommy about how becoming a Mom makes you feel like a different person. I have to admit it lead me through this thought process of who Christ is and what he has done for us.
It's been so long since I've written and there is a reason. It's because God has been AT WORK.. let me tell you, he's been doing some pretty AMAZING things that only he can do. I cannot claim to be in charge of or even have the ideas of the things that he's done. God has fulfilled a promise to me that he promises to everyone. As most of you know my situation my eldest son and split custody. At first people cringe when I tell them that and I probably would have as well not a long time ago. But Christ has made things new. Like the bible teaches us in 2 Corinthians 5:17. "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come; The old has gone, and the new is here!" God has made things new. He has reconciled relationships that were seemingly so far broken that they were beyond repair. He has broken down walls of hurt on both sides and infiltrated them with grace and forgiveness. He has brought light to a dark situation, and that light is so bright it's hard to even remember the darkness. That is the God that we worship. That is the God that I live my life for. One who makes us new. He promised that he would, he called to me and said "Laura, give this to me.. I will carry you… Give me your burdens and I will make things new"… let me tell you that as soon as I surrendered pride, bitterness, anger, all these feelings were very real and sometimes they were justified, sometimes they were not. But both sides of this custody scenario (I will no longer call it a battle) have had the same emotions and dealt with the same feelings and God has redeemed us all. for ALL have fallen short of the glory of God. Every single day every one of us does something that disappoints God, we make choices every second for the good of God or not. We all fail, that's what makes the cross so sweet. That Jesus died so that we may be reconciled back to God. That is exactly what he has done in our lives and it is so beautiful. It's so powerful it moves me because I cannot take credit, I can only give credit where credit it due. I am amazed.
I bet you are wondering how God has reconciled the relationships between Jacobs biological Dad and myself? It has been through conversations… slowly asking how ones day is, showing care, laying down pride, admitting wrong doings, asking for forgiveness… giving forgiveness. PRAYER, loving Jacob more than being bitter at the other person, seeking God in all things and trusting in God's plan, taking joy when there is a joyous occasion, showing gratitude, celebrating victories instead of competing for attention. It is all straight from God, and I am thankful that he has used me to create a ministry to others in my same scenario.
I am a new creation. I am not who I was and my past has no right to define my future. I want it to be known that I am going to take down all my old blog posts.. not because my feelings weren't real, because they absolutely were and writing was my way of expressing how I felt, but it is not constructive to keep them up here. I know my story and most importantly it's become God's story to be used for His kingdom, but I want to focus on the positive.
This blog will be dedicated to my life journey as a Mom of 3 boys and as a wife of a hard working man who dedicates his life to taking care of this family. I want to write about my perspective as a Mom and how because I've gotten a bit older and forgot my glasses downstairs I can hardly see the letters on this screen because they are all blurred together. Life is real, and I'm a person who is real and honest. This blog will be about my thoughts. It's not for anyone but me and I want to be able to look back on this and see my journey as a Mommy. I love what Christ has done for me in my life and I want this to be a ministry. I believe God can do amazing things and I hope whoever reads this can see Christ at work.
I am thankful for a God of reconciliation and who makes all things new, because I sure needed it.

Love, L

Perseverance

Baby Jeffrey is 6 weeks old today. It has been the most incredible transition having him here and it's taken me a while to write on here. There is so much to update, like how amazed I am at how great our family is with Jeffrey here, how well Jacob has transitioned, how wonderful Jason is as a father of 2, my next visions for this stage in my life, how I absolutely love being a mommy of 2 and so much more. There are constantly a million thoughts going through my head but for now I am writing because I don't find myself in the best place. I am finding that Satan is attacking the exact meaning of who God created me to be; being a Mom. I keep hearing these thoughts of "do more", "What's next", "where is your purpose", "You are worthless" " You have no value", and I find that I am hearing these thoughts and battling them daily because satan wants me to believe I'm worthless and have no value, satan wants my husband to become distant and disconnected when I need him to be especially sensitive, satan wants me to believe the lies that this custody battle with Jacob are constantly feeding me. I am not writing now from a place of finding the answers to this, I'm writing this because I'm in the middle of it and am battling and the only outlet I find is to write. In this moment I am reassured that I am not the only woman that has ever struggled with this, I am remembering the reassurance that God tells us there is nothing that he hasn't already dealt with and doesn't already know the answer to.
I am remembering my mornings in Africa in 2008, when I felt closest to the Lord due to the amount of time that I spent each morning in quiet time. I think back to the vision that God gave to me of who he wants me to be. I knew I wasn't at the place in my life to believe that God would provide all this to me, all that I have now... I know that God created me to be a wife and Mom. Despite what I thought about traveling the world and doing missions in far off lands, I know that God designed me to be doing exactly what I'm doing right now at least for right now, who knows about later in life... so of course the enemy is going to attack that. Of course he doesn't want me to believe I have value in being a wife and Mom that I am even any good at it. I am battling myself in so many areas and I'm in need of a change in my heart because I can feel my mind starting to listen more to the lies than the truth and it's leaving me believing that I need human's approval.. whether it is from my husband or my children or even other people via social media. I am not doing my work for man, but for the Lord and I need to live every moment as if I'm serving Jesus and not man. But honestly people, how easy is it to go off what others think of us? How easy is it to find our value based on how our husbands or wives treat us, or how many "likes" and "comments" we can get on our pictures, on how many people text or call us throughout the day, on how many pictures we post on instagram or how many people "retweet" our posts? We live in a society where approval for others is seemingly vital to our daily lives. Social media has made us believe we need others approval to feel valuable in society.
I am no different... and it's left me feeling extremely susceptible to feeling like I'm not good enough.
I am not saying that social media is bad at all, I am saying that it has the ability to make us believe a lie if we are not strong enough to believe the truth that God loves us because we are his, and he created us.
At this point, I choose to lay down my pride and persevere because I no longer choose to believe a lie that I've believed for a few weeks now. I am who God created me to be and the second that I start believing that in my heart I will live it out in my actions. Here's to perseverance and the ability for God to make all things new <3 nbsp="" p="">

Thankful

I mentioned in the last post how every time we are thankful for something it doesn't allow Satan into that area of our lives.
I've truly loved seeing everyone's Facebook updates with November being a month of thankfulness. It brings me joy when people focus on the positive in their lives and not the negative.
I am thankful for an area that I also struggle in. How much my husband works.
I am incredibly thankful for his hard working heart and the weight of responsibility he has taken on to take care of this family. How much he works so that I am able to stay home with the kids. I am thankful  so his spirit of providing.
It has been hard though with his job and how he works during the holidays because obviously he makes more money, it's hard because he is missing time with Jacob and I and he is going to miss time with us as a family in general because of how much he works. I am realizing though that the holiday does not have to be celebrated on that specific day, that any time with family and friends is what God calls us to celebrate. He calls us to celebrate relationships and community, friendship and family. Any time that I am able to do that with Jason than I must be thankful for that, not being bitter about the times that we didn't get together.. but in a spirit of thankfulness to appreciate the moments that we do have with him and to watch the joy that flows from Jacob every time Jason is around. I am thankful for the moments when we are all together, I am thankful for laughter and joy because I have felt it so much today. Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving as well :)

Moved into our new house!

I know, it's been a while since I've written but it doesn't mean I haven't been praying or haven't been thinking a lot about everything going on.
Let me start by saying I am beyond words in gratitude for this amazing house that God has provided. Jason and I had a rough couple of days moving, it honestly brings out the worst in people. It is a real life tangible example of how in marriage two people with two different ways of doing things come together to make things work. It's been great working through things with Jason and finding joy in working together.
Our house is still completely in boxes and there isn't one room that is fully done except the kitchen and the bathrooms because my amazing Mom and sister came down from orange county to help me out! They worked so hard all day and had a huge helping hand in making this place feel like home.
Today is the first day that I've actually sat down and not worked for over 15 hours straight moving and unpacking boxes. My body is hurting so bad, I know Jason is exhausted too. We are working hard to get the house ready for when we get Jacob back on Wednesday. I'm so ready to show him his new room and the play areas we have set up for him! This place is really starting to feel like home. But I don't feel like an adult to be honest, I don't feel like we own a house... I sometimes still feel like that free spirit I was in college, doing whatever I wanted to do and not having any real responsibilities. But what a beautiful place to come from and to now be. I am so thankful that God has provided a beyond amazing husband, a beautiful 1 year old and a growing baby on the way. I am thankful for this house and how comfortable I already am in it and I am also thankful for our doggies who have done so well in the transition! Here's to home making... :)

A wagon ride and a mommy-son dinner date to Chick fil a

Crisp fall air circles around our neighborhood, snuggled and warm on this beautiful afternoon my sweet son wakes up from his nap and I strap him into his new wagon that Grandma got us for his birthday and we are on our way. He is holding onto the sides and observing every house along the way. Laughing here and there an pointing up at the autumn trees and clouds rolling by. We walk around the block I don't notice any noises besides his occasional giggling and the sounds of the wagon wheels rolling on the sidewalk. It was a series of incredibly peaceful moments with Jacob, and I am thankful we were able to go for the walk today.
After the walk we put our shoes on and headed out on a date to chick fil-a. Just sat there together and laughed as he tried to stick his food in my mouth and I tried to get him to eat chicken. He watched every little boy and girl run by on the way to the play area and I could tell that all he wanted was to get down and run with them. He's not walking yet, so it may be a little while before that happens but it was great to see his playful personality be so attracted to other children.
I thought about what life is going to look like with two boys soon. I thought about how much food is going to get dropped (or thrown) on the floor during meal times, the amount of dirt that is tracked in the house, the amount of rough housing and possible trips to the emergency room. I thought about the special bond that brothers share and especially two boys that are going to be this close in age. They will be each other's best friend and constant companion. I am enthusiastic about these boys and a little tired already thinking about it, but I know God has given me these boys because I can handle them. I am inspired by the thoughts of future adventures, play times, pretending we are all pirates, setting up a nerf gun fight for dad when he gets home from work. I envision so much laughter and noise in my future and I couldn't be more thankful for that.
Today was a good day with my little guy, we had a lot of fun together... and we are so excited for baby brother to join our fun soon.

Jacob's 1st birthday weekend

I am astounded at how blessed I am. God has brought such a joy into our lives through Jacob. This weekend was such a ray of light and a glimpse of what our family has been established in through Christ.
We celebrated Jacob turning 1 on Saturday (his birthday was on Friday) we did a Thomas the Train themed party at the Old Poway park down the street from us that has old trains that we could all ride. It was simple, subway sandwiches and chips with a fun cake but it was so nice to just celebrate Jacob with our family.
I have to shout out a huge thanks to my family who has been amazingly supportive of us and has really helped Jason and I out in so many ways, I will forever be thankful for my Mom who is so willing to serve and her generosity is a true inspiration to me. My Dad and step Mom, Lisa has been huge factors in our ability to have custody of Jacob because they are helping us out with attorney costs. They are so generous and kind that Jason and I are taken back by how much they've done for us. I am so thankful for my sister, brother in law, brother,  sister in law and cousin who are such lights in our lives and have been such a source of joy.
The truth is how important family is here, and I have to say how blessed I am so have Jason in my life. The man is one incredible hunk of amazing to me and I constantly wonder how God blessed me with such a man that every day I would be taken back by the man that he is. God did good when he made Jason, and a huge part of that is Jason's family. His Mom and Dad did such a great job raising this young man to follow Christ and love others. They are a huge spiritual support system for Jason and I. Jason's sister and brother, and our sister and brother in law's are huge inspirations to family life in how they are raising their families. The biggest humbling experience I have had in this is how Jason's family has embraced Jacob as one of their own and they are loving them as Christ wants Jacob to be loved.
I am inspired
I am thankful
I am filled with joy
and I am recognizing that it is all because of Christ.

I think the best moments of this weekend were Jacob smashing his hands into his little cake and not eating any of it but just laughing with joy as he played with the fun colored frosting and watching him interact with our family and friends with such a playful personality. But my truly favorite moment was after the party was over and Jason and I were getting Jacob ready for bed, we all participated in Jacob's bath and watched him play with his new bath toys, we got him all snuggled up and then we opened a few of his toys to play with. There was a very specific moment when I remember just watching Jason play with Jacob and his new police car toy, Jacob looked at Jason with such heroism. Jason is Jacob's magnet, he is drawn to him and they play so incredibly well together. We all laughed and played around far past Jacob's bed time but we were all having so much fun it didn't matter. It was a moment of pure unadulterated joy. and it amazes me that God has provided this family for Jacob and baby J on the way. I am amazed at where we've come from a year ago and how many huge ways God has revealed himself to us and has blessed us abundantly.
I am feeling so thankful for such a great weekend.

Garage sale success.. spirit of Gratitude.

Jason and I woke up early this morning and went along with my in-law's to their ritual saturday morning garage sailing. At first we were just going to browse but we found some pretty incredible things! New toys for Jacob, adorable picture frames, a life size giraffe for the nursery, new plates, bread maker, etc! I mean some amazing things all for under $120.00 We're pretty proud of ourselves :).
 So Jason is at work now at the hospital and I am home alone, without Jacob and trying to find a way to keep myself busy so I decided that tonight was the night I was going to pack everything up that I could. I have been working in Jacob's room going through all his little clothes and organizing things for new baby Ferguson. Having a hard time not having him here, I have committed to finding something to be thankful for every time I think about how unfair this all it. Every time that we choose thankfulness instead of thinking how life isn't fair, we shoot Satan down. The enemy looses when we find a spirit of gratitude in the hardest of moments. So today I am thankful that I can get all this packing and cleaning done in preparation for our new house while Jacob is away. It would take me much longer with a baby and I am thankful that I get to utilize this time to prepare for the time that I do have him. I am thankful for every moment that I have Jacob, and I am thankful for the times that Jason and I can have together experiencing married life without a child. God is good and faithful and knows what we need, and like I said yesterday God knows what Jacob needs and he has his plan for him. I am so thankful for that. I'm looking forward to this new chapter in our lives and so excited to see what the Lord is going to do!

Being thankful

God has exceedingly shown his faithfulness lately. I constantly have been feeling his voice saying "just trust me"... so I have, and I've allowed God to use the people in my life to bring an overwhelming amount of encouragement and love. One of my dearest friends and mentor said to me that even in the midst of a difficult situation, always be thankful because as soon as you are thankful for something is squash's Satan's ability to get you down. So Jason and I started a tradition where we write on a whiteboard on the refrigerator every day the reason we are thankful for that day. It's been a great way to think positively and live in thankfulness to Christ. What are you thankful for today?

My story & my son-

I'm not sure how to even begin this blog, but I guess that I just did. I have been apprehensive about even opening up a "new post" on here because I knew it would bring me to this moment of being completely real and honest with myself and I haven't been able to do that with my whole heart in a long time.

The truth is, I haven't been the best version of my self and I have made a few decisions in this last year that have led me to some pretty dark places in my life. My sin drowned me for a while and it wasn't until I was pulled out of the depths of the darkness I had allowed to be created around me that I realized the pain and despair I was causing others. The thing is, I brought it on myself, and I have and will continue to own that because as long as I own it I realize I am washed clean by the redemptive waters of Christ. My faith and hope in him is new each morning, and I have found a whole new definition of trusting my faithful father throughout all of this.

Without any excuses for my actions or justifications for why I did what I did, I will confess my short comings in order to allow my story and the people involved in my story to continue to allow it to be turned into God's story. He is the ruler of my life, regardless of the bad decisions I have made, He has been faithful to me. In premarital counseling yesterday, the pastor who is going to marry Jason and I told us that the bad things (sin) in our lives all have repercussions, all sin has consequence, even though we are forgiven, doesn't mean we do not have to suffer the consequences of our sins. Our pastor also told us that the consequences to our sins will always turn into blessings when we give them to God. I am at the place in my life where the repercussions are turning to blessings and it is a great place to be standing. With that I understand that my story cannot be used for the good and glory for His Kingdom if it not spoken aloud. So as I humble myself before myself and ask that you continue reading.. and to ask me questions, challenge me come along side of me as we are all sinners in need of grace.

As you know, I am getting married very soon to an incredible man named Jason. We met on e-harmony in April and quickly hit it off, we have been inseparable ever since. As Jason has walked with me through the hardest time in my life. It wasn't even 2 weeks into Jason and I dating that I found out I was pregnant from my previous relationship. It was the first time in my life where I understood completely if the man I was with wanted to leave me, I did not deserve to ask him to stand by my side but he chose to and we walked through this journey together. The people that I had told were numbered few but the ones that I did I had received the response of abortion being my number one option. For me, it wasn't even a thought. Yes it was the easy route, a quick fix to a mistake... But to me, that was never an option. Because that was no option for me I was kicked out of the house I was living. I knew the journey ahead of me was going to be difficult but I had no idea how difficult it was about to get.

It is hard to illustrate the months of suffering and decision making I went through, but I had made a conscious decision that adoption was the best option for the baby I was carrying. I had grown up in a home where my parents were not together, I know brokenness well and I did not want that for this baby. I wanted one home with two loving parents that would take care of him and to be raised with a foundation of Christ. I researched adoption and God brought to me an amazing adoptive couple whom I had met with several times and fallen in love with. They are incredible people and I will forever be connected to them as my brothers and sisters in Christ. I had 5 weeks left until my due date and at the park one night with Jason and our dogs, my water broke. I went into labor and immediately left for the hospital. I honestly couldn't get the epidural fast enough ( I really don't know how some women do natural birth- I am still amazed at the amount of pain I experienced! ) I checked into the hospital at 10:30pm and at 5:00am I was woken up by the doctors and nurses with a 103 fever and the baby's heart rate was bad, I was rushed in for an emergency C-section and at 5:33am on November 9th, 2011, Jacob Andrew Beale was born.

Jason stepped up and supported me in all ways a man can and without him, I wouldn't have gotten through any of this. 

So here I am today with a son who I have to share with a man who isn't my husband and with that dwells challenges that are a consequence to having sex outside of marriage. What comes now is telling everyone about my son, who is the most precious gift of life I have ever experienced. I am thankful that God's plans were different than mine because I know that His will is to bring glory to him and he's allowing me to be used for that.

Here I am amazed that if I looked back on where I was a year ago today and someone told me where I would be I would have laughed in their face. But I'm here, my journey is not over and my adventure has added 2 more people I get to share my life with, my future husband Jason and my son, Jacob. Please experience this journey with me because I realize what I've missed so much these last few months and it's sharing my heart through words.

Thanks for reading.

Xo,

LB

Discipline

So many great things in this life come from a direct result of discipline.

But as human beings we often shy away from discipline because it hurts and takes sacrifice. Being refined in the fire is one of the most painful things I can say I've experienced because it requires taking a look inside my heart and seeing where I've fallen short.

To be brutally honest I've completely turned away from self-discipline which leaves me at a place where I can hardly commit to anything because I'm not disciplined.

I spent a summer in Africa 3 years ago in the word DAILY, and my relationship with the Lord was so strong that I knew nothing could break it. But then I came back to the states and it has been a continual struggle for me. All I want is to have the motivation to wake up every day and read my bible. Why can't I do this?

I have the best intentions in my heart, I have moments where I kick myself for not doing it sooner and vow to make a difference in my life. And time after time I fail.

I just figured out why...

because I try to do everything on my own, because I think that even in my relationship with Jesus, I don't need Jesus. That I can do it by myself, where does that leave me? Back in the same place, realizing I can't do anything without Christ. I really can't. And I think our society has told us that we can because it's pretty easy to live every day not even thinking about God.

But self-discipline is a learned characteristic and I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to admit this fault and throw it into the fire to be refined. I will post more about how I'm planning on doing this in my life, but let's just be honest... I've had enough at being the same... I'm ready for a change.

In Loving Memory of Andrew Klausmeyer

On Monday January 17th at around 6:11pm there was a car accident in Denver off I-70. Four men were in the car when the car was clipped by another car, lost control and then flipped 3-5 times. Andrew Klausmeyer, my beloved family member, was ejected from the car, snapped his neck and died instantly. One other was ejected from the car but survived, is in critical condition in the hospital right now. The other two men that were sitting on the left side of the car walked away without hardly a scratch.

Life is so unpredictable, and thousands of lives were effected by the death of Andrew Klausmeyer.

My sister started dating Andrew on November 22nd, 2008. I was ecstatic to hear stories of this fine young gentleman who showed my sister a level of love that many never experience in a lifetime. It wasn't too long before Andrew came to visit us in California for the holidays and we welcomed this charismatic young man into our family instantly. He was such a kind, generous, social, adventurous, giving, confident, hard working and loving human being. We got a long so well, I consider him my brother for how he looks out for my sister, myself and my family. He was eager to help us in any way, whether it was trying to help me find a new car last year around this time, or taking us all out to go wine tasting for my sister's 25th birthday, or taking us all out on New Years and buying everyone drinks, Andrew loved to give.

I can't find anything bad to say about Andrew, in the past some of you may have heard me say that sometimes Andrew was selfish, etc. But I only said that because I didn't really know him like I feel like I do now. Let's just be honest, when aren't we ALL selfish? But despite that, Andrew lived a life seemingly knowing that he was going to die at a young age. In the 24 years of life here he accomplished more than many do in a life time. He traveled the world, worked for a very successful company, was on the board of children's hospital charity's... he is truly a remarkable young man.

2011 was supposed to be Andrew's year, as well as my sister's. As Andrew's boss said yesterday at the funeral, this year for Andrew was supposed to be one filled with a big promotion at work, a fiance and to get in shape. His year isn't done being lived. Even though his life was cut short, I truly believe that each one of us that Andrew's life touched will do everything we can to make this our year- to live every single day to it's fullest, to love with our whole hearts, to make others around us smile, to work hard and play hard and to do anything we can do MAKE IT HAPPEN. Andrew, I miss you every day and I feel so deeply in my heart for how much my sister misses you... I will watch out for her this year and I know you will too.. I will do everything I can do make this year the best for all of us and I will do it thinking of you every moment.

Thank you for your love, your joy, your laugh, your smile, your generosity, your patience, your ability to challenge and change the people around you. Until we meet again in Heaven, I will miss you daily.

Rest In Peace.

FULL CIRCLE

I have been meaning to write this down for a while, and I'm sure I'll come back to add more to it. But I want to express how my life has truly come full circle. And let me say, life is NEVER how we plan it.

Here's how it's come full circle:

I'm back in Orange County where I grew up. Not only that but the reason I moved back here was to take an internship with the church I started attending when I was 15, Presbyterian Church of the Master. So this summer I was a youth director at the church that I attended in high school, I stepped into the role that I admired when I was in high school. Full circle.

When I moved back here, I got back in touch with the stables I grew up riding at, Nellie Gail equestrian center. I reconnected with my best friend for years, April Branson, and picked up right where we left off after 7 years of being disconnected. Full circle.

I recently rescued a horse off a racetrack and am back to owning my own horse. I haven't owned my own horse since I was 15. Full circle.

I'm currently working for the non-profit that I first found out about when I was 15 through PCOM and traveled my first trip to Dominican Republic with. Children of the Nations is a non-profit that 'raises children who transform nations' and I couldn't have dreamed of a job that suited me more. Full circle.

I think "15" is a big number for me, because all these amazing things happened in my life when I was 15, and I'm staring life in the face and I'm thankful for where I've been and where I am.

So here I am, back where I never thought I would be. Doing what I never dreamed I could do. I've been blessed enough to see parts of the world that have left me awe struck, I've held hands of children in Africa and Dominican Republic that have showed me an incredible amount of joy and love, I was tragically denied my passion for horseback riding 8 years ago, but I decided that horses are my passion and are connected to my soul so I'm working as much as I can to afford a horse that I have rescued.

Life has truly come full circle for me in the best possible way. I have worked hard and lost my sense of entitlement for the things I have and want which I find is a huge accomplishment in the area that I grew up in. I am confident that I am not done growing yet, that I will continue to be shaped into the woman that I dream to be, but it's truly refreshing to look back and see that God has held me in his hands this entire time, and has guided me to a place where I can tangibly see him working in my life.

I'm so thankful and I'm ready for the work ahead, bring it on... ROCK AND ROLL!

Premium Flyer

January 6th, 2011 I get a 5am wake up call, Premium Flyer has arrived.

Rewind 3 days.

I get a e-mail that there's a racehorse up north that has a fractured knee cap and needs a home before they put him down. I haven't owned a horse since I was 15, and let's just be honest... the equestrian show jumping world and racehorse world are extremely different. I'm not sure what kind of responsibility I'm taking on, but I agree. I can't help all the horses that are victims of the industry that disposes of them when they are not capable of performing their purpose perfectly.

So I agreed to find a home for Premium Flyer, he's stall bound (can't walk) for 3 months. Well, that's absolute TORTURE for a horse that has spent every waking moment running and racing.

But January 6th early morning, Premium Flyer steps off the trailer, and walks right into my heart. He's a beautiful horse, with a uncrushable spirit and an uncanny personality. We watched the sunrise together that morning, just the two of us in the silence of the morning mist. I was immediately amazed by him.

I've spent every moment that I'm not working with this horse, taking care of him. He's a big responsibility and at this very moment he's very bored because he's not used to being stuck in a stall all day, let alone for three months to come. I feel bad, but all I can do is love him. I am gracious for the family who's backyard he is in now, they are extremely generous and very smart when it comes to horses. I am thankful for the support that I've had from my friends and family, and I'm very excited to keep you all updated on how Premium Flyer is doing. Thank you for your support!

What happens when you listen...

To be honest, last night was a rough night for me... My emotions hit me and I ended up on my knees crying out to God, but pretty mad at him at the same time. I guess that's my brutal honesty coming out... I was upset with God. And I didn't figure out why until today. Because a friend of mine listened. I actually had several friends listen to me today as a response of my facebook status last night. My friends displayed a huge reminder that God perfectly places people in our lives to care for us. So I get a call from a friend saying "God put it on my heart to call you", I hadn't heard from this friend in a few weeks and his timing was perfect. I needed his advice and I needed to talk to him, because what he said to me, he said because he knows my heart and loves me as a sister in Christ.

So what happens when we listen?

To God, to each other and to ourselves.

What happens when we answer a calling that God has placed on our hearts?

What happens when we are there for a friend in a time of need.

What happens when we stop and sit in silence and reflect on what our personal needs are?

I believe there are many answers, and my first instinct is to write the answers to the same questions I'm asking. But let me tell you what happened to me because my friend listened to what was on his heart, to call me.

He listened to God, and called me at a perfect time and we got to talk. I told him what I was going through and his advice was a reminder that God created me exactly how he wants me. This is what made me upset with God, because sometimes I'm frustrated with who I am, because I am a very deep feeler. I take other people's problems and I carry them on my shoulders. I take other people's disappointments and project them onto myself. And it wares on me. But my friend listened and reminded me that I need to be exactly who I was created to be. I need to feel for other people and care about them because people need to be cared for. I was created to be that person, just as you were created for a very specific and special person apart of God's plan for his creation.

So it comes full circle, because my friend listened to God and called me I was able to take the rest of the afternoon and listen to myself... To be reminded of my purpose and calling, which I am aware is not going to be easy. I may have many nights that end in tears and frustrations but I'm answering a calling to be the woman that God intends me to be. All I want to do is follow Christ, wherever that leads me is unknown to me now... but that's truly all I want to do.

The question is, what happens when you listen?

The answer, you'll never find out until you actually take the time to do it.

Thank you to my amazing friends who have been an incredible reminder of true love and beauty in my life.

Fireproof

I don't know if any of you have seen this movie called "Fireproof", but it's definitely one of those Christian movies with pretty bad acting but a great story. I have seen it before and I watched it again last night. There is something about it that got to me... here's what it made me think about.

That in life, relationships are the most important thing.

We could have an amazing career, house, etc. but if we are lacking the relationships that remind us daily that we aren't alone, we feel lonely all the time.

What makes life beautiful is the people in it...

... I take that for granted way too often. Because a lot of the time I think that the people in my life are there to stay, and I've learned that people are given to us and they are also taken away from us and it's about opening our hearts to learn what the people currently in our lives have to teach us and what we can teach them.

It's about making sure the people in our life are better off than they were before we met them, it's about building them up, encouraging them, showing them they are a light and that there is something great in them, even if they don't deserve it and even if they have hurt us.

Because WE are unworthy, I am unworthy of the grace and love that God has showed me yet he continuously shows it to me, daily. I keep running away, trying new things, filling my time with everything but him, but he is always there.. making me better than I was yesterday through his love.

I want to be that light for other people. When I think about it I get really nervous that I won't live up to the vision and commitment I have for the person that I want to be, but if I trust that God has a hold on my heart than I can be the wife and mother that I know I can be one day.

God has offered me grace and forgiveness in this life because I believe in him, that doesn't make my life fireproof.... the fires are STILL going to come, I'm still broken, I'm still in need of grace and I still find myself on my knees daily in need of Him... But because I'm not fireproof, I learn every day to trust in Him more because the fires will come, it's about how I handle them.

People hurt people... that's the truth... It's when we fall short of the people that we are supposed to be, and allow other things to get in the way of the life we are supposed to live that bring destruction and break each other hearts. It's giving up on a commitment in the hard time that ends marriage, or friendship, or jobs. I wonder if we were the people we wanted to be, the kind, patient, steadfast, loyal people that we know we want to be, then how many relationships would be saved? How many less hearts would be broken? If we thought about the words that came out of our mouth before we said them and before we hurt someone else, how would that affect how people see us? If we gave up addictions to harmful things, would we feel more honorable?

Maybe what I'm coming full circle on is that it's how we see ourselves and the way we want our life to be lived often coincides with how we feel on the inside. If our hearts aren't right, our life isn't right and we keep missing the target.

I need to refresh my heart, to remind myself daily of the person that I want to be and sync it with the words and actions that I'm living today. Because it's all of our today's that make our tomorrow's good or bad. I'm choosing good. I want to be the person that I know God created me to be, even though I don't feel like that person at all sometimes. My life isn't fireproof, but I find myself in the midst of an ocean of grace, forgiveness and love.

Airplanes and shooting stars

Two nights in a row around midnight I reluctantly take my dog Rocky out for a walk, it's cold and I'm exhausted from being on my feet all day at work. But I've taken the time to have a conversation with God, nothing too big or special, just a conversation. At a point in the conversation I stop looking down at my feet and start to gaze into the infinite abyss of a dark canvass of a sky and just look at the perfectly clear starry night. I think to myself how often we spend life looking at our feet and talking about our problems or struggles and how we rarely just stop talking and sit in silence and just be in awe of creation.

And the moment I stop looking down and I look up, mid conversation, I see a shooting star.

What is so special about a shooting star?

Is it because it's rare?

Because they aren't really rare, it's just rare when we see them.

It's rare for us to stop looking down at our own lives and look up to the sky. It's rare to just STOP our busy lives for a moment.

But we love when we see shooting stars because we are usually in a place when we can just stop and be. Maybe we are sitting around a campfire, listening to the crashing waves on the beach in the darkness of night, at a Rascal Flats concert with your best friend, or maybe we are sitting in Africa or Cambodia just having a hard night and struggling through things and we don't have any other option except to just look up, because we are desperate to experience something more than ourselves.

Seeing a shooting star is rare, but not because the stars are rare, because when we look up and surrender the busyness of life, it's rare and then we see a glimpse of light flash across the night sky and we are reminded that we are not alone, that there is an entire universe outside of ourselves and we become thankful that we took that very moment to look up and that we didn't miss it.

It's why famous music artists sing about pretending that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, because we can all use a wish right now.

Or maybe we can all use a minute to just stop what we are doing and look up, and see something special that takes our breath away no matter how many times we've seen it before, it's always different and it's always beautiful.

Torn

Torn between the good and the bad, the old self and the new.

Is this a new struggle? No, it's timeless. Centuries upon centuries, people have struggled with what each and every single one of us are struggling with right now.

The old self, or the future "hope-to-be" self.

Let's take a toll.. How many of us are COMPLETELY satisfied with the EXACT person we are now?

C'mon, let's be honest....

ladies? Gentlemen? ...

.. Yeah that's what I thought.. Probably none of us.

Most of us, ( I won't say all incase there is ONE person that has insanely convinced himself that he/she is 'perfect') are not completely satisfied at the people we are at this very moment. Most of us strive for change.. not only in ourselves but in the people around us, in our settings (jobs, living situations, people, etc).

So what is stopping us?

I (we) am torn. Agree or disagree? Please, let me know if I'm the ONLY human being that struggled with us.

Here's my example... it's personal and isn't intended to be offensive to anyone directly.

Let's take men. (Ha~ here we go)

I have settled for men in the past, sorry if you are someone I've dated, but this isn't directly toward you and if it is, i'm sure you aren't reading this from the various places you men are and I strongly doubt one of you in particular isn't reading this from a local county jail. (yup, long story)... I've settled, and believed lies about how much you cared and wanted to be with me, and I settled because I was scared what it would be like to aim high and not receive what I desired. So I settled for the abusive, promise-breaking A-holes that screwed with my heart and my life. Yup, if you're reading this and you are one of them (which I doubt), you Suck.

But I settled because I knew that the good guys- the nice ones, the ones that open doors, pay for meals, answer your calls when you need them, worry or care about you, yes, those amazing guys who all women want... I thought that you were too good for me. (there's one in particular right now that I'm thinking of...mystery man with a name I won't reveal)... I got scared every single time I got close to you because I didn't think I was good enough for you. So I settled for the temporary and exchanged a great individual.

I battled my old self- the part of me that was immature and selfish and i'm battling (yes, present- tense) the person that I am currently, and the person that I am aspiring to be. So here's my conclusion. I need to stop settling. Whether it's for a job (which I truly don't think I'm settling for right now) or a man ( or anything in between)... I need to realize that God has placed very specific and amazing people in my life for a reason and I need to stop taking that for granted. Thank you for being you, every single person in my life that has meant the world to me.

I see you, I feel you... I'm not taking you for granted anymore, and I'm going to prove that nice guys, don't finish last.

All my heart and soul,

Laura

A story about a girl...

I heard a story tonight about a girl in Sierra Leone... You may not think this effects you, but in some way it does.

A woman walked more than 30 miles in the hot humid summer in Sierra leone with a child in her arms that was not hers. She was walking for a purpose, to get to the closest medical treatment facility, which was funded and built by COTN (Children of the Nations) that is the closest facility within 100 miles. She walked because she held in her arms the baby of her sister who had recently died during child birth. The baby was sick and she was desperate. Not only was this woman grieving the loss of her sister, but was carrying for her new niece who was painstakingly dehydrated. The baby was in such a severe position that the newborn's head was beginning to cave in response to the lack of nourishment and hydration. The woman desperately sought the care of doctors and the doctors used COTN medical supplies and food packaging. Food packaging is what we do here in the states. We get together in groups and package thousands of meals to send to help orphans and widows abroad. The food is so nutrient filled that the COTN doctors were able to mix the food with water and give it to the baby, days later the baby was almost fully recovered and was gaining back all its strength. The woman was sent back to her village with several packages of COTN food for her and her new baby to

survive...

this food effects thousands and thousands of people daily...

There are several stories telling how far God is reaching to care for his people, and he is using us to do this work. I feel so honored and blessed to be apart of this work and I am excited to say that my position at COTN in the Orange County office is to be the food packaging coordinator for OC region. Together we can package food to send to Sierra Leone, Uganda, Malawi, Liberia, Dominican Republic and Haiti to create more stories of lives being saved with our help.

Thank you!

Lonely in a crowd of people

I know I'm not the only one that feels like I do, but I may be the only one willing to talk about it.

Even when I'm surrounded by a crowd of people I love and care about, I can still feel lonely. Because the people that I'm surrounded by don't necessarily know me or know my heart, and even if they do, they don't really understand me. I think it is a very special thing to be known and loved for being that person and it's a rare thing when we find it. Friends, family, spouses and various relationships often offer tid bits of that feeling of being known.

But those tid bits don't last long, I've noticed they go in phases and in between the phases I often busy myself to the point that I don't feel like I'm even missing something at all.

I just want to be known, accepted, loved for who I am and challenged to become the woman that I'm created to be.

Have you ever felt this? I would love some feedback on this and to unite in this. It's not that I don't have any friends, trust me I love the people that I'm surrounded by and feel very blessed. But there are moments when I feel lonely in a crowd of people.

Why do we feel like this?

Here's what I've come to think... that the only one that knows my heart and loves me the same is Jesus, and he's the only one that can fulfill me the way I need to be fulfilled. But when I take a look at my relationship with God and realize it's not what I want it to be, I realize I'm the one that's walked away. I'm the one that's left and I'm the reason I feel lonely. But to be honest... I don't always know how to be fulfilled through God because I'm yearning for the tangible and that's not always how God works.

I know the answer to the question "What defines me", I know I am defined as a child of Christ, a daughter of the king and that I'm saved my grace... but sometimes it's SO hard for me to believe and to live my life accordingly.

Are you having a hard time uniting what you believe to how you live your life?