Sunday, October 31, 2010

Lonely in a crowd of people

I know I'm not the only one that feels like I do, but I may be the only one willing to talk about it.
Even when I'm surrounded by a crowd of people I love and care about, I can still feel lonely. Because the people that I'm surrounded by don't necessarily know me or know my heart, and even if they do, they don't really understand me. I think it is a very special thing to be known and loved for being that person and it's a rare thing when we find it. Friends, family, spouses and various relationships often offer tid bits of that feeling of being known.
But those tid bits don't last long, I've noticed they go in phases and in between the phases I often busy myself to the point that I don't feel like I'm even missing something at all.

I just want to be known, accepted, loved for who I am and challenged to become the woman that I'm created to be.

Have you ever felt this? I would love some feedback on this and to unite in this. It's not that I don't have any friends, trust me I love the people that I'm surrounded by and feel very blessed. But there are moments when I feel lonely in a crowd of people.
Why do we feel like this?

Here's what I've come to think... that the only one that knows my heart and loves me the same is Jesus, and he's the only one that can fulfill me the way I need to be fulfilled. But when I take a look at my relationship with God and realize it's not what I want it to be, I realize I'm the one that's walked away. I'm the one that's left and I'm the reason I feel lonely. But to be honest... I don't always know how to be fulfilled through God because I'm yearning for the tangible and that's not always how God works.

I know the answer to the question "What defines me", I know I am defined as a child of Christ, a daughter of the king and that I'm saved my grace... but sometimes it's SO hard for me to believe and to live my life accordingly.

Are you having a hard time uniting what you believe to how you live your life?