Discipline

So many great things in this life come from a direct result of discipline.

But as human beings we often shy away from discipline because it hurts and takes sacrifice. Being refined in the fire is one of the most painful things I can say I've experienced because it requires taking a look inside my heart and seeing where I've fallen short.

To be brutally honest I've completely turned away from self-discipline which leaves me at a place where I can hardly commit to anything because I'm not disciplined.

I spent a summer in Africa 3 years ago in the word DAILY, and my relationship with the Lord was so strong that I knew nothing could break it. But then I came back to the states and it has been a continual struggle for me. All I want is to have the motivation to wake up every day and read my bible. Why can't I do this?

I have the best intentions in my heart, I have moments where I kick myself for not doing it sooner and vow to make a difference in my life. And time after time I fail.

I just figured out why...

because I try to do everything on my own, because I think that even in my relationship with Jesus, I don't need Jesus. That I can do it by myself, where does that leave me? Back in the same place, realizing I can't do anything without Christ. I really can't. And I think our society has told us that we can because it's pretty easy to live every day not even thinking about God.

But self-discipline is a learned characteristic and I'm ready to learn. I'm ready to admit this fault and throw it into the fire to be refined. I will post more about how I'm planning on doing this in my life, but let's just be honest... I've had enough at being the same... I'm ready for a change.

In Loving Memory of Andrew Klausmeyer

On Monday January 17th at around 6:11pm there was a car accident in Denver off I-70. Four men were in the car when the car was clipped by another car, lost control and then flipped 3-5 times. Andrew Klausmeyer, my beloved family member, was ejected from the car, snapped his neck and died instantly. One other was ejected from the car but survived, is in critical condition in the hospital right now. The other two men that were sitting on the left side of the car walked away without hardly a scratch.

Life is so unpredictable, and thousands of lives were effected by the death of Andrew Klausmeyer.

My sister started dating Andrew on November 22nd, 2008. I was ecstatic to hear stories of this fine young gentleman who showed my sister a level of love that many never experience in a lifetime. It wasn't too long before Andrew came to visit us in California for the holidays and we welcomed this charismatic young man into our family instantly. He was such a kind, generous, social, adventurous, giving, confident, hard working and loving human being. We got a long so well, I consider him my brother for how he looks out for my sister, myself and my family. He was eager to help us in any way, whether it was trying to help me find a new car last year around this time, or taking us all out to go wine tasting for my sister's 25th birthday, or taking us all out on New Years and buying everyone drinks, Andrew loved to give.

I can't find anything bad to say about Andrew, in the past some of you may have heard me say that sometimes Andrew was selfish, etc. But I only said that because I didn't really know him like I feel like I do now. Let's just be honest, when aren't we ALL selfish? But despite that, Andrew lived a life seemingly knowing that he was going to die at a young age. In the 24 years of life here he accomplished more than many do in a life time. He traveled the world, worked for a very successful company, was on the board of children's hospital charity's... he is truly a remarkable young man.

2011 was supposed to be Andrew's year, as well as my sister's. As Andrew's boss said yesterday at the funeral, this year for Andrew was supposed to be one filled with a big promotion at work, a fiance and to get in shape. His year isn't done being lived. Even though his life was cut short, I truly believe that each one of us that Andrew's life touched will do everything we can to make this our year- to live every single day to it's fullest, to love with our whole hearts, to make others around us smile, to work hard and play hard and to do anything we can do MAKE IT HAPPEN. Andrew, I miss you every day and I feel so deeply in my heart for how much my sister misses you... I will watch out for her this year and I know you will too.. I will do everything I can do make this year the best for all of us and I will do it thinking of you every moment.

Thank you for your love, your joy, your laugh, your smile, your generosity, your patience, your ability to challenge and change the people around you. Until we meet again in Heaven, I will miss you daily.

Rest In Peace.

FULL CIRCLE

I have been meaning to write this down for a while, and I'm sure I'll come back to add more to it. But I want to express how my life has truly come full circle. And let me say, life is NEVER how we plan it.

Here's how it's come full circle:

I'm back in Orange County where I grew up. Not only that but the reason I moved back here was to take an internship with the church I started attending when I was 15, Presbyterian Church of the Master. So this summer I was a youth director at the church that I attended in high school, I stepped into the role that I admired when I was in high school. Full circle.

When I moved back here, I got back in touch with the stables I grew up riding at, Nellie Gail equestrian center. I reconnected with my best friend for years, April Branson, and picked up right where we left off after 7 years of being disconnected. Full circle.

I recently rescued a horse off a racetrack and am back to owning my own horse. I haven't owned my own horse since I was 15. Full circle.

I'm currently working for the non-profit that I first found out about when I was 15 through PCOM and traveled my first trip to Dominican Republic with. Children of the Nations is a non-profit that 'raises children who transform nations' and I couldn't have dreamed of a job that suited me more. Full circle.

I think "15" is a big number for me, because all these amazing things happened in my life when I was 15, and I'm staring life in the face and I'm thankful for where I've been and where I am.

So here I am, back where I never thought I would be. Doing what I never dreamed I could do. I've been blessed enough to see parts of the world that have left me awe struck, I've held hands of children in Africa and Dominican Republic that have showed me an incredible amount of joy and love, I was tragically denied my passion for horseback riding 8 years ago, but I decided that horses are my passion and are connected to my soul so I'm working as much as I can to afford a horse that I have rescued.

Life has truly come full circle for me in the best possible way. I have worked hard and lost my sense of entitlement for the things I have and want which I find is a huge accomplishment in the area that I grew up in. I am confident that I am not done growing yet, that I will continue to be shaped into the woman that I dream to be, but it's truly refreshing to look back and see that God has held me in his hands this entire time, and has guided me to a place where I can tangibly see him working in my life.

I'm so thankful and I'm ready for the work ahead, bring it on... ROCK AND ROLL!

Premium Flyer

January 6th, 2011 I get a 5am wake up call, Premium Flyer has arrived.

Rewind 3 days.

I get a e-mail that there's a racehorse up north that has a fractured knee cap and needs a home before they put him down. I haven't owned a horse since I was 15, and let's just be honest... the equestrian show jumping world and racehorse world are extremely different. I'm not sure what kind of responsibility I'm taking on, but I agree. I can't help all the horses that are victims of the industry that disposes of them when they are not capable of performing their purpose perfectly.

So I agreed to find a home for Premium Flyer, he's stall bound (can't walk) for 3 months. Well, that's absolute TORTURE for a horse that has spent every waking moment running and racing.

But January 6th early morning, Premium Flyer steps off the trailer, and walks right into my heart. He's a beautiful horse, with a uncrushable spirit and an uncanny personality. We watched the sunrise together that morning, just the two of us in the silence of the morning mist. I was immediately amazed by him.

I've spent every moment that I'm not working with this horse, taking care of him. He's a big responsibility and at this very moment he's very bored because he's not used to being stuck in a stall all day, let alone for three months to come. I feel bad, but all I can do is love him. I am gracious for the family who's backyard he is in now, they are extremely generous and very smart when it comes to horses. I am thankful for the support that I've had from my friends and family, and I'm very excited to keep you all updated on how Premium Flyer is doing. Thank you for your support!