Baby Jeffrey is 6 weeks old today. It has been the most incredible transition having him here and it's taken me a while to write on here. There is so much to update, like how amazed I am at how great our family is with Jeffrey here, how well Jacob has transitioned, how wonderful Jason is as a father of 2, my next visions for this stage in my life, how I absolutely love being a mommy of 2 and so much more. There are constantly a million thoughts going through my head but for now I am writing because I don't find myself in the best place. I am finding that Satan is attacking the exact meaning of who God created me to be; being a Mom. I keep hearing these thoughts of "do more", "What's next", "where is your purpose", "You are worthless" " You have no value", and I find that I am hearing these thoughts and battling them daily because satan wants me to believe I'm worthless and have no value, satan wants my husband to become distant and disconnected when I need him to be especially sensitive, satan wants me to believe the lies that this custody battle with Jacob are constantly feeding me. I am not writing now from a place of finding the answers to this, I'm writing this because I'm in the middle of it and am battling and the only outlet I find is to write. In this moment I am reassured that I am not the only woman that has ever struggled with this, I am remembering the reassurance that God tells us there is nothing that he hasn't already dealt with and doesn't already know the answer to.
I am remembering my mornings in Africa in 2008, when I felt closest to the Lord due to the amount of time that I spent each morning in quiet time. I think back to the vision that God gave to me of who he wants me to be. I knew I wasn't at the place in my life to believe that God would provide all this to me, all that I have now... I know that God created me to be a wife and Mom. Despite what I thought about traveling the world and doing missions in far off lands, I know that God designed me to be doing exactly what I'm doing right now at least for right now, who knows about later in life... so of course the enemy is going to attack that. Of course he doesn't want me to believe I have value in being a wife and Mom that I am even any good at it. I am battling myself in so many areas and I'm in need of a change in my heart because I can feel my mind starting to listen more to the lies than the truth and it's leaving me believing that I need human's approval.. whether it is from my husband or my children or even other people via social media. I am not doing my work for man, but for the Lord and I need to live every moment as if I'm serving Jesus and not man. But honestly people, how easy is it to go off what others think of us? How easy is it to find our value based on how our husbands or wives treat us, or how many "likes" and "comments" we can get on our pictures, on how many people text or call us throughout the day, on how many pictures we post on instagram or how many people "retweet" our posts? We live in a society where approval for others is seemingly vital to our daily lives. Social media has made us believe we need others approval to feel valuable in society.
I am no different... and it's left me feeling extremely susceptible to feeling like I'm not good enough.
I am not saying that social media is bad at all, I am saying that it has the ability to make us believe a lie if we are not strong enough to believe the truth that God loves us because we are his, and he created us.
At this point, I choose to lay down my pride and persevere because I no longer choose to believe a lie that I've believed for a few weeks now. I am who God created me to be and the second that I start believing that in my heart I will live it out in my actions. Here's to perseverance and the ability for God to make all things new <3 nbsp="" p="">