Torn

Torn between the good and the bad, the old self and the new.

Is this a new struggle? No, it's timeless. Centuries upon centuries, people have struggled with what each and every single one of us are struggling with right now.

The old self, or the future "hope-to-be" self.

Let's take a toll.. How many of us are COMPLETELY satisfied with the EXACT person we are now?

C'mon, let's be honest....

ladies? Gentlemen? ...

.. Yeah that's what I thought.. Probably none of us.

Most of us, ( I won't say all incase there is ONE person that has insanely convinced himself that he/she is 'perfect') are not completely satisfied at the people we are at this very moment. Most of us strive for change.. not only in ourselves but in the people around us, in our settings (jobs, living situations, people, etc).

So what is stopping us?

I (we) am torn. Agree or disagree? Please, let me know if I'm the ONLY human being that struggled with us.

Here's my example... it's personal and isn't intended to be offensive to anyone directly.

Let's take men. (Ha~ here we go)

I have settled for men in the past, sorry if you are someone I've dated, but this isn't directly toward you and if it is, i'm sure you aren't reading this from the various places you men are and I strongly doubt one of you in particular isn't reading this from a local county jail. (yup, long story)... I've settled, and believed lies about how much you cared and wanted to be with me, and I settled because I was scared what it would be like to aim high and not receive what I desired. So I settled for the abusive, promise-breaking A-holes that screwed with my heart and my life. Yup, if you're reading this and you are one of them (which I doubt), you Suck.

But I settled because I knew that the good guys- the nice ones, the ones that open doors, pay for meals, answer your calls when you need them, worry or care about you, yes, those amazing guys who all women want... I thought that you were too good for me. (there's one in particular right now that I'm thinking of...mystery man with a name I won't reveal)... I got scared every single time I got close to you because I didn't think I was good enough for you. So I settled for the temporary and exchanged a great individual.

I battled my old self- the part of me that was immature and selfish and i'm battling (yes, present- tense) the person that I am currently, and the person that I am aspiring to be. So here's my conclusion. I need to stop settling. Whether it's for a job (which I truly don't think I'm settling for right now) or a man ( or anything in between)... I need to realize that God has placed very specific and amazing people in my life for a reason and I need to stop taking that for granted. Thank you for being you, every single person in my life that has meant the world to me.

I see you, I feel you... I'm not taking you for granted anymore, and I'm going to prove that nice guys, don't finish last.

All my heart and soul,

Laura